he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
