The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
