the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
