First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
