We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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