its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
