I just threw up on my dentist
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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