that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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