i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
