I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
