It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
