The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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