I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
