piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
