I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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