i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
