my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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