I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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