walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
