how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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