Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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