The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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