pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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