thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
