i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
