im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize