Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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