ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
