Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
