Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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