but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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