It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
