I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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