Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
