how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
