Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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