ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
