Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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