If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
