She announced her abortion via fbk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
