I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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