Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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