i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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