I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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