I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
