i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
