My pussy is not your playground.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
