i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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