hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
