just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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