As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
