i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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