So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
