I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
