I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
