Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
