got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
