I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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