Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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