please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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