Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
