...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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