Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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