I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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