I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
