Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
