i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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