Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The Olympian is in my bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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