I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
