i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
