Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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