sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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