tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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