I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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