Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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