i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
