is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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