I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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