Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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