If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize