where does the pee come out of this thing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
