So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
