he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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